We are all separate people. This is easier or more difficult for people to accept, but it’s true. It is not until we recognise our separateness and the separateness of everyone else, especially our closest family members, that we can become connected intimately in a healthy way.
Let’s take a look. Have you ever felt like someone had taken advantage of you? Even if it was hard to pin it down? Have you ever felt ‘gamed’? Or like someone used you in a way you could not quite understand but that you did not like? Have you ever felt like a relationship had patterns that consistently left you on the lower side, either mentally, emotionally, financially, or even spiritually? The feeling of being used or misused is not a nice one and while we do not like that people are willing to do this to us, it is up to us to employ limits. We must wrestle our relationships into the most productive and healthiest space possible so that we can keep these relationships intact when we should.
This process of setting limits and respecting limits of others is about boundaries. Is 2022 the year for better boundaries? It has to be. Given all that we are dealing with in the world, we could all do with a little peace in our relationships. Often relationships end or are damaged simply for want of a few honest sentences and some clear decisions about what is too much, not enough, or unacceptable. Boundaries keep us from getting knocked into the wrong lanes in our life.
Once a hospice nurse was asked if she regretted her decision to remain single. She pushed her glasses up onto her head and said, “Are you kidding me? We ALL die alone. Whether it is a relief or it causes grief, we all die alone. We are all separate people.” Hospice nurses tend to be grounded and pragmatic, much like coroners. We are not here forever and thus, the people in these professions tend to recognise drama with perspective.
Would you like to avoid drama in your life through a better understanding of your boundaries? Are you sure about what your boundaries are right now, today? Because boundaries often have to move as ourselves and others change and and as the circumstances around us all change. Our physical, sexual, psychological, and spiritual boundaries are ours to negotiate, but we have to know what they are and how to start the negotiations.
Join us for Backpack Adults. We can help you learn to identify what patterns in your life leave you anxious, sad, angry, feeling rejected or used, or just unsatisfied in connection to others. Every day is a gift and we must choose how we live those days. People who take our courses are very glad they did. They say, “I’m happier, I laugh more, and I enjoy the people around me more.”